now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
