there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
