Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We need a shit load of segways right now
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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