just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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