Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
