i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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