i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
