i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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