apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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