maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
