i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
