Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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