new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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