Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
