Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
