That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
