ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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