I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
