Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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