i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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