I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
