I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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