Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I have aggressive nipples.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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