Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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