ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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