I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
