a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
