Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
