I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
