I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
