This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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