Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
