i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
