So drunk its hurt
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
