Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
even my farts smell like vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize