So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
