I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
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I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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