the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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