My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
