For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
