You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
