Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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