it was like his penis was on wheels.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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