I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
