I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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