Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
