i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
