If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
