So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
