i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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