You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
