im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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