Pants 0. Shit 1.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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