I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
