There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
