I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dicks are not precious.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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