If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
