the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
