a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
