yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
