i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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