Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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