I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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