I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
