So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
