it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
